Is Public Speaking Like Eating Peas?

When I was a child, I didn’t like eating peas. I would sit at the dinner table and push them around on my plate. Then, I’d spear one pea with my fork and gulp it down like bitter medicine. My grandfather observing this avoidance ritual suggested I mix my peas in my mashed potatoes so I wouldn’t taste them. It worked! I started mixing peas and mashed potatoes at dinner. I still didn’t like peas but he made them more palatable.

And this is the case for many people. They avoid public speaking because they don’t like it. I would have been okay if I didn’t have peas in my diet. But for professionals and leaders, avoiding public speaking is career suicide. Consider the second year law student I coached who was going to drop out of law school because she was afraid of speaking in class. After coaching her she learned to mix the right mindset with the right skill set. Imagine if she had dropped out of law school because of public speaking fear.

Today she’s a lawyer and giving effective presentations. She found the right mix.

Consider the middle manager who avoided speaking at meetings. Her throat would tighten up causing her to clam up and not participate. The quickest way to become invisible in an organization is by not participating. The effect is not having a voice in meetings. The common perception is if you remain silent you don’t know anything. This can result in forfeiting promotions and being overlooked for high visibility projects or leadership opportunities.  I coached her to reduce vocal tension. She learned how to work her mind and her body so that the words wouldn’t stick in her throat.

Today, she has a new job at a higher level. And she’s speaking with ease.

An entrepreneur was successful in her business and enjoyed being a podcast host. She confided in me that she would love to speak on large stages but because of an auditory processing problem she couldn’t give speeches. She was not able to remember the sequence of ideas and words no matter how many times she practiced. She had so much to offer an audience but had given up on ever being on a big stage. This disability was her peas. She needed to find the mashed potatoes to overcome the limitation. I convinced her that she could speak on large stages. She could share her ideas. But the medium would be different.  Instead of delivering a speech which would stress her out and leave her searching for words, she could give a fireside chat. By putting two chairs on the stage, the interviewer could ask her questions allowing her to tell her story, share her wisdom, and inspire the audience. She was brilliant in conversation and on podcasts. A fireside chat would not require memorization and would showcase her brilliance.

She was excited to find the right mix that would allow her to reach more people and change more lives.

Today I like sweet peas. I’ve acquired a taste for them but it took time. For some people, public speaking is an acquired taste. As they gain confidence and mastery, they begin to enjoy giving presentations. For others, they may never like speaking. But by combining the right mental attitude and skill set they can certainly make it more palatable.

To learn how to Speak Confidently and Effectively check out my LinkedIn learning course. It ranked #5 on the Top 20 Most Popular courses.

To learn techniques to overcome fear of speaking, read chapter 3 of Knockout Presentations.

To work with me contact DiResta Communications, Inc.

Can You Have Executive Presence and Pink Hair?

I was working with a client on her presentation and executive presence. She was not your traditional looking leader. During the coaching session she asked me a question I wasn’t expecting. She inquired, “Can I have executive presence and pink hair?”  How times have changed! Ten years ago we wouldn’t be asking about pink hair. In New York City I was accustomed to all kinds of artistic non-conformist looks. But not at work-unless it was the fashion or entertainment industry.

 The workplace was different. Norms were different. Standards were set by corporations and dress codes were part of the policies and procedures manuals.

That’s not to say that rules weren’t challenged. It started with the IT departments where the uniform became jeans. Companies started to relax dress codes in the mid 1990s and business suits morphed into “business casual.” The challenge was that nobody knew what that meant. As a communications strategist and presentation coach, I trained employees to create a powerful presence. Frustrated managers would ask me to explain how to dress for the office as employees became more lax wearing mesh shirts and flip flops to work. A law firm asked me to tell one female employee not to wear sleeveless dresses. In 2007, one company I consulted for actually created a pictorial brochure of what was acceptable workplace attire.

Fast forward to today where individualism and diversity rule. Culture is expressed with clothing and hairstyles. The largest demographic are millennial workers who value freedom of expression, and lifestyle over conformity. 

 In my past life training people to be powerful presenters, I always discussed physical appearance and the power of the visual impression. Today, not so much. Amazon invited me to speak to their women leaders at a luncheon for high achievers. I was warned by my contact not to mention dress standards. Women at the company were free to wear hoodies and dress casually,

As Clubhouse moderator and former attorney Scott Mason noted, there can be major legal implications  with overly restrictive policies around personal presentation. The question becomes where  is the line between professionalism and individual expression? Can you be “quirky” and credible?

Can You Have Executive Presence and Pink Hair?

This question was put to the test in the Clubhouse room, Confidence, Clarity and Charisma moderated by Diane DiResta and S. Scott Mason.  The audience consisted of men and women from the military, the private sector and entrepreneurs who were both quirky and classic. A linkedin poll answered the question with three choices: 

• Yes

• No

• Depends on the Industry

 Surprisingly, 54% voted YES. Professional speaker, Lisa Braithwaite is challenging the status quo with the hashtag  #This is What Professional Looks Like. She has shaved pink hair, big earrings, bright colors, large red-framed eyeglasses  and no make-up. One man in the military was open to individual expression but said he didn’t want to see pink hair in the military because that would be a target. All agreed that wearing a uniform for the military and police had a purpose to communicate authority. 

Whether you can establish leadership with pink hair depends on how you define Executive Presence. Most of the respondents believed that it’s how you command the room and conduct yourself that determines executive presence. It requires confidence. But is there a double standard for men and women? Do women have to look more conservative or “establishment” in order to convey executive presence? Case in point: There was an experiment where  two identical resumes were distributed.  One had a female name and another had a male name. When reviewing the resumes the consensus was that the resume of the male applicant was more positively received. They perceived the male job candidate to be more competent. Yet, it was the same resume! Considering the occurrence of unconscious bias in the workplace, should women have pink hair at higher leadership levels? Will it undermine confidence in their leadership in more conservative industries? We can create policies that extol diversity but we can’t legislate feelings and perception. While the Clubhouse participants believed pink hair is acceptable, the jury is still out. Does appearance affect trust? After all, Mark Zuckerberg wears a hoodie as the CEO but he wore a suit to testify before the Senate.

What a Postal Worker Taught Us About Leadership Communication

Today was sunny and warm for November, so I decided to start my day a little later than usual. I drove to the post office to buy stamps. There were already people waiting and I was third in line.  The doors opened at 8:30 a.m. Once inside, a postal worker appeared and instead of getting behind the window she made a beeline for the back office. All the windows were devoid of workers. Customers were lined up with nobody to serve them.

The postal worker didn’t say anything. She just left. We expected she’d be right back. After 15 to 20 minutes of waiting, I considered leaving. I asked the people in line, “Doesn’t the post office open at 8:30?” A man confirmed the time and said that the woman left and never returned to the window. At that point I left the line and started knocking on the window. Nothing happened. Then I went to the back door and started knocking. Nobody responded. When I walked back to the line the postal worker was behind the window talking to the first customer.

Then it was my turn to approach the window. As she was taking my order she said softly, “Sorry for the delay.” She offered no explanation. When she finished the transaction, she said “Sorry for the delay.” I didn’t respond.

I didn’t appreciate someone wasting my time. Had she offered an explanation, I could have mustered up some empathy. When I told my husband the story, he said, “It sounds like another incompetent worker.” I knew that wasn’t true. This woman had served me in the past and she was effective at her job. Maybe the reason she didn’t offer an explanation for her long delay was because the boss told her not to say anything. Who knows?

Lateness is never a sign of good service and it’s inevitable that there’ll be delays especially during the holidays. But when the service provider doesn’t communicate with customers they create their own stories and the customers feel frustrated, angry and disrespected.

What if she announced that she had to go to the back office and would be with us in a few minutes? At least we would know what to expect and wouldn’t feel dismissed . What if she had offered an explanation such as, “Sorry for the delay. We’re short staffed.” Most customers are tolerant when they have a reason for the lateness. When a worker or a leader doesn’t acknowledge the presence of customers or employees, it signals disrespect. The people feel invisible and unimportant.

What is the leadership communication lesson we can learn from this postal worker?

·        Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

·        Let people know what to expect.

·        When things don’t work out, give them a reason.

These principles will build trust and respect and can prevent conflicts from escalating.

How do you handle delays? How do you manage people’s expectations?

7 Tips When Speaking Internationally

September is International Speak Out Month. It reminded me of my International speaking experience and the important lessons I learned. Here are 7 tips to set you up for success when speaking internationally.

1.       Study the culture- Your presentation begins long before you step on a stage or begin to speak. How do people greet each other? In some European countries they kiss both cheeks. In Japan, the greeting is the bow. What is the tradition for gift giving? Are they a low context or high context culture? This will inform you about the level of formality that’s expected as well as how to treat authority.

2.       Meet the translator-Will you receive simultaneous translation or consecutive translation? If it’s the latter, you will need to pause after each sentence or two, while the interpreter translates. Where did the translator learn English? There’s a difference between British and American English. Be sure to define terms and explain your speech to the translator so that it is communicated with the right intent and clarity.

3.       Speak slowly-When you’re in a different country, YOU are the one with the accent. Even if it’s an English speaking audience they will probably need time to translate in their heads. Speaking slowly will allow the listeners time to process what you are saying.

4.       Manage body language-You can easily offend an audience before you even open your mouth. The same gesture can mean different things. The A-0k sign with the thumb and index finger touching with the 3 fingers extended is an obscenity in Brazil. Even the nod or shake of your head can have a different meaning. Practice with the gestures you’ll use in your speech with a native from the country where you’ll speak.

5.       Speak the Native Language-Nothing is more endearing and caring than to speak in the native tongue. When I spoke in Africa, I gave my greeting in Kiswahili-”Hello. I’m happy to be here” I was surprised when the audience broke into applause.

6.       Avoid humor-Humor rarely translates across cultures even if you’re a comedian.

7.       Learn their idioms- I leaned this the hard way when I was speaking to a British audience. I would use an innocuous term such as “on the job” and I would hear snickering. It meant something else in England. A sweater is called a jumper, gasoline is petrol, a truck is a lorry, a TV is a telly.

Mistakes will happen. But with a little research, planning and practice you can speak anywhere in the world and give knockout presentations.

My presentations, training , coaching and books are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com. DM me at twitter @speakingpro. Or call: 917 803-8663

The Missing Link in Presentations

Are you wondering why your audience isn’t excited? Or why they’re not sold on your ideas at meetings? Most presenters work hard to craft and deliver their sales presentations. So why don’t they get the results they desire?

They know the content backwards and forwards. They reveal what they think is great about their ideas or products. There’s no question they can’t answer. These presenters bring their A game with dynamic delivery. On the surface, it’s a good presentation. Yet, there’s no momentum. Too often public speakers think from their own point of view. 

These presenters forgot to connect the head and heart!

Consider these two acronyms. WIIFM and WSIC.

The first step is to answer the question, What’s In It For Me, meaning the audience. What’s important to them? It doesn’t matter if you have the most clever idea or the best product unless it meets their needs. And that’s where most presenters stop. The challenge is that you’re addressing needs but not tapping into why. WSIC means Why Should I Care? This is the dream or outcome of receiving those benefits. We’re talking about emotions. There is motion in the word emotion. The audience will take action when your message taps into their emotions.

It’s about connecting what they’ll gain with the impact of the benefits.

Benefit  (Head)                       Impact (Heart)

Save time                                More family events

Save money                           Buy the vacation property

Lose weight                            Look good and fit into your new clothes

Everybody wants to save time, money and be healthy. But their reasons may vary. Recall the last time you were excited about a purchase. Was your excitement about the product or how it made you feel? We’re more easily convinced by emotion than by logic but we need both.

A friend told a story about his trip to the car dealership. He was interested in a sports car. He loved the car but it came with a high price tag. The sales person told him to sit behind the wheel. He then said, “It makes you feel cool, doesn’t it?” My friend bought the car. He tapped into his emotions.

By translating what they’ll learn from you to why it’s important to them, you’ll connect the head and heart. And that is the missing link.

 Anybody can give a Knockout Presentation. Avoid these 6 mistakes and take your presentation from dull to dynamic!

My presentations, training , coaching and books are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com. Subscribe to my youtube channel Or call: 917 803-8663

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7 Tips to Present on the Witness Stand.

You’re going to court. The thought of going to court can stress anybody out. Add that you’re going to be on the witness stand, and the fear of public speaking gets triggered.

The outcome of a case can be strongly influenced by the testimony of the witnesses. So how do you present yourself credibly in court?

Keep these public speaking tips in mind before you take the stand:

1.       Practice out loud and record yourself. Your attorney will train you in being a witness and you’ll be a better presenter when you know your message points. Rehearsing at home will give you confidence.

2.       Look at the jury. If your eyes look up before you answer, you’ll appear less credible and knowledgeable. The audience is the jury so talk to one person at a time. Make an eye connection. Looking someone in the eye denotes trustworthiness.

3.       Reduce non-words. Fillers like /um/ /you know/ /like/ will cause you to sound unprepared. Don’t be afraid of silence. Confident presenters pause. You don’t have to answer immediately. Think before you speak.

4.       Check your appearance. Your attire communicates a message. A jury can be swayed by the way you look. Be sure clothes are pressed, shoes are polished and your clothing is appropriate for the case.

5.      Speak clearly and naturally. Take your time and pace yourself. Avoid mumbling and be conversational. You’ll be believable by being yourself.

6.       Know when to stop. If the judge or attorneys interrupt, stop speaking.

7.       Get to the point. You’ll lose the jury if you give too many details or go down a rabbit hole. Stay on topic. Answer the question that was asked. Be brief.

To hear tips on presenting in court, watch my interview.

My presentations, training , coaching and books are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com. DM me at twitter @speakingpro. Or call: 917 803-8663

Here Come Da Judge: Succeeding in Virtual Court

You many have your day in court but it’s probably not going to be at a courthouse near you.   There’s a greater likelihood that you’ll be in virtual court and that requires a new set of skills.  The Honorable Gustavo A. Gelpí & Honorable Julie Kunce Field delivered a presentation entitled Holding Virtual Court: A Conversation with Two Judges.

During the conversation they shared insights about holding court during a pandemic, the advantages and disadvantages of virtual court, their expectations, and recommendations.

In discussing some of the challenges, they revealed that people may not be tech savvy. In order to mitigate this issue they recommended that anyone appearing in court should request a practice session with a court officer prior to their hearing. Another challenge is controlling noise and conversation and for that reason, the judges mute everybody. Acknowledging the limitations of body language on a virtual platform, they requested that participants display a waist shot for the camera when in their courtrooms.. And speaking of cameras, the judges preferred Webex over Zoom for security reasons. In open court, where anybody can sit in, each person observing was expected to identify themselves.

Their advice to lawyers was that the skills that work in a physical courtroom don’t translate to the virtual world. The flamboyant lawyers who bang on the desk, and continually interrupt, don’t fare well in this environment. Legal presentations must adapt to the virtual environment. Although remote communication was thrust upon all of us, the judges reported that in many cases virtual court was successful. Saving time was touted as one of the biggest benefits of virtual court especially for a lawyer who would have to travel for a couple of hours to attend a 15 minute meeting. The situation where virtual court was not appropriate was where a jury was required. But in non-jury court hearings, an expert can be easily brought in from any geographic region, saving travel time and costs.

Both judges predicted the future will be hybrid court for it’s convenience. Major trials will be held in person, but in other situations the virtual platform will be beneficial in settling legal cases.

Virtual court is not just for lawyers and judges. You never know when you’ll need to appear to challenge a summons or handle a landlord tenant dispute. The virtual world is not going away. Master virtual presentation skills and you’ll have a better chance of winning your case. To learn how to be a knockout virtual presenter, visit www.diresta.com

My presentations, training and coaching are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com. DM me at twitter @speakingpro. Or call: 917 803-8663

Stop Saying Um in 6 Steps

Clients ask me all the time, “How do I get rid of my ums? Why do they care? We all use a few ums. I certainly do. But when you consistently say um and ah it can have negative effects.

I heard an Ivy League professor give a lecture online. It was an interesting topic except that he continually punctuated his talk with um. I lost interest.

Here’s the negative impact of using too many ums.

Loss of credibility. The audience expects a credentialed speaker to be effective.  Too many ums can make a seasoned speaker sound like an amateur.

Loss of attention. People will listen for just so long before they get bored and tune out.

Loss of message. If the audience checks out mentally, your message doesn’t get through. They lose information and you lose influence.

The good news is you can change all that. You’re not sentenced to a life of vocal tics. Here is a roadmap for eliminating ums.

Awareness. Why do people keep repeating the same habits and patterns? Because they lack self awareness. Change happens once people hear themselves. When I echo back a non-word or filler, clients will ask “Did I just say um?” They don’t hear it!!! Record yourself and tally the number of ums in your 1 to 3 minute talk. Now you have a baseline.

Negative practice. Next, choose a topic and deliberately say a lot of ums. Why? The natural inclination is to avoid saying um and that creates more hesitations, stops and starts, and nervousness. Don’t resist. Say as many ums as you can.

Look for patterns.  Identify the types of fillers or nonwords you use. Is it  um, ah, you know, okay like, basically? Some people start every sentence with um. If that’s you, cancel the sentence. Stop, count to three and say it again without an um. Do you say um right before a difficult word? If that’s your pattern, during your rehearsal, substitute a simpler word

Master the pause. Practice the same topic but this time, stop and pause. Why is so hard to pause? Most people are afraid of silence. When you finish a sentence come to a complete stop and don’t say anything. Allow for a silence. Exaggerate the silence. It takes practice to tolerate silence. Don’t speak until you can start the next sentence without saying um. Remember, the power is in the pause.

Rehearse. After working with thousands of presenters, I’ve seen a decrease in ums after rehearsals. The more you practice and the more you know your message, the more fluent you’ll become.

Accountability. Changing behavior requires continual practice and monitoring. Find an accountability partner or hire a coach. They can tally the number of ums during your meetings and presentations.  Instead of guessing you’ll have real time data.

Slipping up with an occasional filler or nonword in your presentations will barely be noticeable. But if your audience starts counting them, that’s an issue. Practice these 6 steps and you’ll be fluent in no time. For more tips, read Knockout Presentations.

My presentations, training and coaching are available virtually. It’s easy to find me to discuss your needs. Email diane@diresta.com.   DM me at twitter @speakingpro. Or call: 917 803-8663