Sexism and Sarah Palin's Voice

This morning as I was watching Morning Joe on TV, a clip was played of Sarah Palin.  http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036789/#39684087

The discussion was facilitated by Mike Barnicle who asked that the clip be played again, but this time we should listen to the tone. After listening for a second time, Barnicle asked the group, "Do you want to listen to that for four years?" While I agree that Palin sounded a little shrill and high pitched, that was not the issue. The issue was the way the question was asked.   Barnicle's question was judgmental. Let's ask it a different way.  "What do you think of her voice? Do you think she loses credibility? How will that impact her on the campaign trail?"

This is a different kind of question and a valid one at that. The voice is 38% of the message according to a UCLA study. The meta message is in the tone and not the words. Hillary Clinton  lost credibility when she gave vent to her anger and passion in the form of an escalating tone.  She has since found her voice.  Men have an advantage over women in the vocal arena. A deeper or lower pitched voice will be perceived as more authoritative.  While using the upper range of her pitch level doesn't serve a woman candidate, it seems that there's a double standard when it comes to men.

Former Mayor Koch of New York City has a nasal sounding voice and uses /um/  after almost  every other word. This is how he spoke during his administration and he still uses this speaking style. Yet, we didn't hear comments such as "Could you listen to him for another four years?"

The points made during the discussion regarding tone were valid. What some people don't get is that there is a tone to language. And I heard an element of sexism in Barnicle's comment. What do you think?

Coffee, Tea, Don't Bother Me

I'm about to hit a triple header with this blog post. Hopefully, this will be my last post about airlines. On the first leg of my journey from Newark airport to Hilton Head, South Carolina,  the pilot announced that we would be arriving late. Knowing I had a tight connection in Charlotte I was concerned that I could miss my next flight. It would board in thirty minutes and the plane  I was on was a one hour flight.

I approached the flight attendant in the back.  I showed her my ticket and made a request. "Would you announce that the connecting passengers will deplane first?"

She looked at my ticket and said, "It doesn't leave for an hour. You'll be fine."

"But the pilot said we'd be late," I countered.  I had heard other airlines make this kind of announcement in the past.

"Oh they wouldn't listen, " she volleyed back. I persisted and finally she admitted that they were not authorized to make the announcement. "That would have to come from the lead attendant. We could ask her but that doesn't mean she would do it."

To make a long story short, they didn't make the announcement. I doubt that she approached the lead attendant. The good news is once we were in the air, the pilot announced that we would be arriving early.  Even so, I now  had a negative impression of these flight attendants and the airline.  They couldn't be bothered with my needs even though I was a customer.

Whether you speak to one or one thousand, your audience is your customer. What kind of message are you sending them? When they ask a question, you don't say "I don't know." You say, "I don't know. Let me get back to you."  When your audience is physically uncomfortable, you take a moment and adjust the thermostat. If you're talking to scientists you don't give your typical sales pitch. You provide them with the data and studies they value and respect.  When you sense the audience is bored, you don't keep yammering on.  You check in, ask questions, start a discussion or take a break. If a layoff was just announced before your presentation, you don't do your happy dance. You acknowledge the elephant in the room, let them vent for a few minutes and then begin your talk.

As presenters, we are all in the business of serving customers.  We set the tone. When you come from a place of service you communicate that you care.  Take care of your audience and they will take care of you.

Coffee, Tea, or Sloppy Speech

On my connecting flight to Hilton Head I was again surprised as I listened to the flight attendant make her announcement. Not only did she speak too quickly but her diction left something to be desired. She said “gennamen

What Presenters Can Learn Not to Do from the Airlines

The other day I was on my way to Hilton Head South Carolina. I boarded the airline which was on time. I sat back in my seat awaiting the usual safety drill. The attendant ended the announcement with "This is a no smoking no complaining flight. If you complain you'll be the entertainment - outside gone with the wind."

There was some knee jerk laughter and then the message set in. Ouch! The real message was "Don't mess with us. We're not putting up with nonsense." Not exactly warm and welcoming.

What kind of tone do you set when you begin your presentation? Do people feel that you're glad to be there? Humor is a great ice-breaker when used appropriately. But when used to couch a threat the atmosphere can quickly turn negative.

By all means let the audience know your expectations and use humor to engage and drive home the learning points. Otherwise, your message could end up blowing in the wind.

What Does Public Speaking Have To Do With Listening?

Whether you're presenting one-on-one or giving a formal speech, speaking is only one part of the equation.  In this video, you'll discover the relationship between public speaking and listening.

Who Let the Dogs Out?

There was a popular song years ago that went " Who let the dogs out?" And that's a question that's apropos this week in the media. The answer is President Obama let the dogs out in his recent speech in Milwaukee. Alluding to his opponents he said, 'They're talking about me like a dog." What does this tell us? Language reflects thought. While some studies state that words are only 7 per cent of the message, words are powerful. They give us insight into what the speaker believes and feels. In this case, Obama is saying he feels like a victim. The key is the wording "They're talking about ME". It's something that is happening to him. It's not the language of leadership. There is a difference between being genuine and appearing weak. Former Mayor Giuliani showed genuine sadness during the bombing of the World Trade Center but he never spoke like a victim.

The dog statement was not written in the speech. He acknowledged that he went off message. When giving a formal speech that's televised it's best to stick to the script especially if the speaker is in an emotional state. Otherwise, you might end up in the dog house.

Speaking at UMBC

The University of Maryland Baltimore County invited me to give a keynote and workshop on How to Give a Knockout Presentation. Doctoral students, many of whom are underrepresented in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics), attended the PROMISE Summer Success Institute. I was honored to be invited to speak. The students were eager to learn and highly participative. Social media takes speaking to a new level. There was live tweeting during the panel and my keynote. It takes real confidence to keep speaking while the audience is twittering away. It was fun to read the comments. By the way, they found me on twitter, so I'm not complaining. Here I am with Dr. Tull, who invited me to speak. Just as in business, the university has brilliant students who are not always brilliant presenters. The goal was to convey how to communicate with confidence and clarity especially when defending their dissertations and pitching ideas to their professors. We talked about the importance or reading the audience and code switching to accommodate a professor's supportive or confrontational style. Each student learned how to give a brief elevator speech and recognized the importance of personal rapport. Whether you're in school or the workplace relationships are the key to success.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Got to Be Good Lookin' Cause It's So Hard to See...

Remember the John Lennon lyrics, "Got to be good lookin' cause it's so hard to see?"Looks are important for both men and women. Yes, women are unfairly judged and held to a higher standard. Female candidates are scrutinized for every new hairstyle which is not the case for male politicians. That being said, I tell my clients and audiences to honor the power of the visual. First impressions are visual and almost instantaneous. We make decisions about leadership, trustworthiness, success level, and competence based on how others appear visually. Your stage presence doesn't depend on having a beautiful face or washboard abs. It does depend on how you carry yourself, what you wear, and how you look in the clothes you wear.

You are your own personal brand. Top companies invest outrageous amounts of capital in creating a brand and a big part of the brand is the logo, color, and packaging. Most people would perceive a Tiffany box as having more value than a brown parcel post. Real estate agents and sellers spend time and money restaging a home and manicuring the landscape because it increases value. Even animals in the wild groom themselves. Companies call me in to work with their leaders on executive presence. They don't present themselves as leaders and as a result they are not taken seriously and can't get to the next level. Wouldn't it be great if people could get past your looks and see the substance beneath the surface? Yes, it would but it isn't happening.

Appearance counts. Does that mean you need to invest in plastic surgery to look good? No. Is Hollywood anorexia a standard we want to uphold for our young girls and women? No. Should we be slaves to fashion? No. But when your look is outdated people think your ideas are old fashioned. If you look haggard, you won't be attractive on a job interview because energy sells. So, aim for good health, feel good about yourself, and dress well. Make sure your visual impression is consistent with your personal brand. When you step out on that platform it's showtime and you'd better look good.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

How is a Magazine Ad Like Public Speaking?

I was on the ferry this morning reading the paper and having my green tea when I was distracted by the woman sitting next to me. She was aggressively ripping out pages from a magazine. I looked at the pile of pages next to her to see if there was any pattern to her choices. They seemed random- a page of text, a good looking male model. Curiosity finally got a hold of me as I leaned over and asked, "Are you creating a vision board?" She paused for a moment as if trying to process what I had just said. "No, " she explained, "I'm pulling out the ads. It makes it easier to read." She went on to say, "It's disturbing to realize the magazine is mostly ads." She was right. I find those paper pull-out ads to be annoying and they make turning the pages difficult.

What a novel way to read a magazine! I'd never seen anyone prepare to read. Yet, that woman on the ferry was more prepared than many of the presenters I observe.

And it made me realize something about speaking. Those paper ads are like non-words in a speech. Those irritating fillers such as "um", "you know," "ah", "like" are everywhere. Non-words are analogous to those annoying ads in magazines that prevent you from reading the article or even finding the article with ease. Non-words, like ads, are distractions that blur the message.

What are you doing to prepare your audience to hear your message?

How are you weeding out non-words that distract from your content?

If everybody practiced their presentations out loud and determined where they inserted non-words, they could then write reminders in their notes and verbally tear out those insidious fillers. When you use non-words you lose credibility even if you're a subject matter expert.

Last week I reconnected with a woman I hadn't seen in years. We figured out that she had attended my Learning Annex Class on How to Give a Knockout Presentation in year 2000! She confided that I had inspired her and that she still thinks of me. How did I inspire her? She said, "You told us never to use non-words and since that time I stopped saying /um/. I tell other people to stop doing it."

Well, apparently, it made a big impact on her presentation as she is now being called as an expert in the media and doing a terrific job. Think of non-words as clutter. Just as we don't like ads in our magazines or commercials on TV, your audience doesn't like hearing a cacophonous trail of ums and ahs.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

What Does a Toll Booth Have to Do with Public Speaking?

On Friday I was driving home from a coaching assignment in New Jersey. I was on the Garden State Parkway which has a number of toll booths. At the second toll booth, I extended my hand and gave the toll collector a dollar. She waived me on. I remained there not understanding. She said, "The person before you prepaid your toll." I was surprised. It was so unexpected that I couldn't process it at first. Why me? I tried to figure out through the Law of Attraction what was different this particular day that I had attracted such positive energy. All I knew is that I felt good. I was flying high. It was only a dollar but it wasn't about money. It was about the gift. It was about feeling special. The feeling lasted over the weekend as I called friends to tell them about this random act of kindness.

It got me thinking about what I teach in my speaking and communication seminars.

It's the little things that make the greatest impact.

Speakers overwhelm themselves trying to make bold changes. They think they have to completely remake themselves and achieve the equivalent in a Ph.D in Public Speaking. All it takes to make an impact is the little things-an extended pause, holding eye contact a bit longer, expanding a gesture, using an analogy, telling a personal story, standing up straight, breathing before you speak, holding a positive image before your presentation, bringing your intonation downward at the end of a sentence, smiling.

These are simple, little things that when activated, can make a big impact on the audience. The impact of my experience at the toll booth was worth so much more than a dollar. Don't discount small steps. You never know the affect they will have on not only you but your audience.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

How to Lose A Job or A Sale in 7 Seconds or Less

Has this happened to you? You go to a networking meeting. Someone approaches you who is well dressed and well spoken. They extend their hand and all of a sudden you find yourself holding a wet fish. Yuk! Nothing will sabotage a good first impression faster than a limp, weak handshake. Don't get me started! I talk about handshakes in every presentation, speech, seminar and coaching session because it's so important.

I coach leaders on executive presence and work with executives on their interviewing skills. If you have a weak handshake you've just conveyed a negative impression. First impressions count. You may not have another opportunity to influence. Your presentation is your brand and your handshake is an extension of your brand. Would you trust a leader who didn't have a firm handshake?

Yes, men and women shake hands differently. I tell men that women will not break if they shake their hands with some pressure. I tell women that men are not there to kiss their fingertips. A handshake is an equal opportunity communication. It's the same for both genders.

A handshake is a little thing that anyone can master in minutes. So why is it that even after practicing a firm handshake people revert back to being a wet fish? They don't realize that the real message is in the body language and not the words. You can say all the right things in an interview or sales call. You can have an outstanding resume or product. But if you shake hands like a wimp that is what they remember. It's an emotional reaction and people will be swayed by their feelings.

When my nephew Michael was 14, we brought him to a golf course to get a job as a caddy. Michael, being shy, reached out and offered a weak handshake. The caddy master gave him his first lesson in life. He said, "Shake my hand like you mean it." From then on Michael gave a firm handshake. It's a little thing and as I always say, it's the little things that make the greatest impact. So if you want to make a good first impression, shake hands like you mean it!

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

The Powerful Rule of Three

For years I've talked about the power of three's. I advise my clients to present 3 agenda items, 3 main points, and 3 benefits. People remember things in three's. Karl Bryan does a good job of this in his recent email, Anatomy of Growing a Business. Consider speaking in threes as verbal bullet points. Now imagine Karl is presenting this out loud. It would be easier for the audience to remember. But you be the judge. Here is his email:

I want to recap on the ideas we've gone over through the business development lessons and essentially the anatomy of a growing, thriving business.

An entrepreneurial fallacy, is an assumption that anyone can succeed at business with: • Desire • Some capital • Projected a targeted profit

There are essentially three key roles that need to be filled to set your business up for success: • The Mechanic • The Manager • The Entrepreneur

The four different stages of a business life cycle are: • Infancy • Adolescence • Growing Pains • Maturity

There are a few basics to know about Franchising: • Business Format Franchise • The Franchise Prototype • Franchise Prototype Standards

There are three main areas of business development: • Innovation • Quantification • Orchestration

7 specific areas you need to consider in your franchise prototype process: • Primary Aim • Strategic Objectives • Organizational Strategy • Management Strategy • People Strategy • Marketing Strategy • Systems Strategy

Wasn't this format easier to follow than reading a lot of long sentences? It's especially true for speaking.The best speeches are written for the ear, not for the eye. Creating a speech or presentation is as easy as 1-2-3. That means simple language, concise statements, and colorful words.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Does Your Executive Image Need Polishing?

Situation: Robert was a brilliant executive who worked for a health care company. But he was not projecting a strong leadership image because of his rambling, academic style and his extensive technical vocabulary that tended to alienate his listeners. Not only was Robert not connecting with his peers, visually he didn't look like a leader. He wore a plaid shirt, a sweater vest, and casual shoes. The brilliance his boss recognized in him was not shining through to others.

Solution: As part of the Exec-U-Lead coaching program, Robert learned to use an executive summary approach and to speak in snappy sound bites. By using simpler, shorter words his message had more impact on his audiences. Robert was persuaded to change his look from weekend casual to corporate coat and tie, so he could look more like an executive.

Result: Robert was able to change the image he projected to others - both visually and verbally. He was able to gain respect and be acknowledged for his leadership. Today, he looks and sounds like a leader and he's taking his team to new heights.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Is Confusion Bringing You To A Standstill?

Situation: Marjorie, an owner of a coaching practice, was feeling stuck. Her dilemma: she needed to bring in money by developing her own coaching clients. At the same time she was a facilitator for a small business think tank and was expected to recruit a certain number of members to coach. She also had recruiting responsibilities for a woman's organization for which she was paid an honorarium. If she didn't meet her quota for the think tank she wouldn't be able to continue. But if she devoted her primary efforts to it, she would continue to have cash flow problems.

Solution: It was clear that Marjorie was putting herself last. We talked about setting priorities and the importance of putting herself first. Marjorie came to realize that her first priority had to be her own business, the small business think tank would be second, and the women's group would come last because it didn't bring in much money. We developed a strategy for Marjorie to sell her coaching services as a priority and then up-sell the think tank membership as a means of ongoing group support. We then worked on an elevator speech to help her position that message.

Result: Marjorie is no longer confused and has a strategy that supports her best interests and will increase her cash flow from now on. She said, "This is the best coaching I've ever experienced."

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Even Dry Cleaners Give Business Presentations

This morning I dropped by the dry cleaners to pick up my clothing. As I handed her the ticket, she gave me my dry cleaning and then asked me a question. "Do you send out your husbands shirts?" "No," I told her. "He's retired. He doesn't wear shirts." She smiled as she explained in her accented English, "Oh I was just trying to..." I supplied the word she was searching for. "Upsell?" "Yes," she said. "Well my husband only wears golf shirts. But very good marketing. If we ever have a wedding to go to I'll bring in his shirt." We both had a good laugh.

But the laugh is really on business owners who don't see an opportunity and follow up. This woman realized that a presentation doesn't end when there is an exchange of money. The presentation lives on as you continue the dialog.

Even the post office now asks if you want stamps, mailers, or other supplies. The way you approach a customer is a presentation-from the greeting and smile, to the conversational interaction, to the thank you, to the upsell. Just like any presentation there is a beginning, middle and an end.

Unfortunately, not everybody gets beyond the first presentation.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

When It Comes To Public Speaking, Do You Freeze Like A Deer In The Headlights?

Situation: Brad, a corporate executive, was referred by his boss for speech coaching. His presentation style was dry and he was losing credibility among his peers and senior management. He confided that the meetings had become "cutthroat" and that some of the team would "go for the jugular." "It's a very competitive environment," he explained. His boss told him to find a coach and to do it fast. Brad's nervousness on the platform was getting the best of him. He would memorize his slides and freeze up when he saw people roll their eyes. He knew his subject matter but had a difficult time "getting what was in his head and heart to come out of his mouth." Yet, when he would talk off line it was evident that he was very knowledgeable about his subject matter. Brad needed to go from being a talking head to a subject matter expert.

Solution: During the first coaching session, Brad learned to stop memorizing his slides and use them for reference only. He added more stories, anecdotes, and examples to his presentations, and worked on projecting his energy so his voice wouldn't trail off.

Result: Brad gave a presentation at the next meeting a few days later. When asked if his presentation was any better after only one coaching session, his boss replied, "significantly, significantly, significantly, significantly better." Liberated from the cue cards, Brad now speaks with more confidence and style!

Do you know a talking head who's really a subject matter expert in disguise? They can learn to let the expert emerge and dazzle with their ideas.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Are You Seen But Not Heard?

Situation: Karen was newly appointed to her position in finance, where she was responsible for managing and keeping the department on budget. Soft-spoken and petite, Karen had a hard time making herself heard during meetings, as her aggressive team shouted over her and challenged her when she questioned their figures. Karen's team was over budget, and she was concerned about her credibility when she had to present her figures to corporate at an up-coming meeting. Recognizing the importance of asserting her authority, Karen sought coaching to increase her confidence and to learn strategies for maintaining control. Solution: We worked on increasing the volume and conviction in Karen's voice. Initially, she wasn't aware of her vocal range and didn't believe she could project. Together, we practiced breathing exercises before the meeting to calm Karen's nerves. With a specially created template, Karen began to organize her ideas so she would not get intimidated and lose her train of thought. Karen also developed strategies for dealing with people who lobbed hostile barbs or tried to interrupt her when she was speaking.

Result: After the big meeting, Karen said she felt prepared, organized, and confident. She was able to hold her ground and support her position. The note-taking system helped her to stay focused and maintain her credibility.

Do you know people who get lost in the crowd? We can help them rise above the noise, find their voice, and communicate with confidence.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Do You Suffer From Verbal Diarrhea?

Situation: Donald was a director-level manager who was getting complaints from his boss that his voice-mails were long-winded and that his rather business-like demeanor was failing to gain buy-in from his staff. One of Donald's biggest problems was that he didn't listen. His conversations were like running monologues and it was difficult for others to break in. His assignments lacked the detailed information required to get the job done. Solution: Through the Exec-U-Lead coaching program, I worked with Donald on developing a concise message. The target was getting Donald to deliver a 30 second voice-mail message, which he nailed. In the next phase, Donald practiced listening and relationship skills by sharing something personal and asking people about themselves. Result: Donald's boss was pleased. He reported that Donald's voice mails were now concise and that his personality was coming through to his staff at meetings. He was listening more and explaining the purpose of team tasks. Donald felt good about being more respected.

Do you know people who talk incessantly? Do they leave long lingering voice mails? They can learn to cut to the chase and listen more effectively.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Are You Embarrassing Your Team?

As I continue to share success stories from my living laboratory this month, I recall working with Bill for a Just-in-Time coaching session. Situation: Bill, a bright, young entrepreneur, was a Managing Partner of a software company. He was on his way to the West Coast to deliver a presentation when he called me for some coaching. His company was positioned to sell their start-up to a large organization. His partner was concerned about their image because Bill was such a terrible presenter. How often are team members or partners embarrassed by how they present themselves and the company brand? I explained to Bill how important it was to be visible and to get out there and speak. As an owner of the company, he was the face of the organization and people wanted to hear from him. Bill was motivated to change.

Solution: I worked with Bill on his transitions. We reduced the number of slides in his PowerPoint presentation, got him to slow down his speaking pace, and coached him to connect eye-to-eye with the audience. These were all small changes but like many speakers and presenters he was unaware of how to change. He didn't require a major make-over to be effective.

Result: After only TWO HOURS, Bill had transformed his image. He faxed me the results of his first speech and the results after coaching. He went from scoring a 2.6 on his audience evaluations to a 4.0 on a scale of 1-5. Audience members praised his presentation as "entertaining," "informative," and "clear." Bill confided that the meeting planner withheld the evaluations from his first speech because they hadn't been very good. His partner in the firm was blown away by the transformation! As I always say, It's the little things that make the greatest impact.

For public speaking tips visit http://www.atozpublicspeaking.com

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!

Is Fear Making You Invisible?

My blog will focus on case studies from my living laboratory. These are real people and I've changed the names to protect confidentiality. These situations are universal. Fear is one of the worst afflictions in the workplace and in life. It keeps us from taking action, it stalls success and happiness, negatively impacts our reputation, and it keeps us from our dreams. One negative side effect of fear is it makes us invisible as in the case of my client Joan.

Situation: Joan was a bright, successful executive for a Fortune 500 company who was deathly afraid of giving presentations, even at monthly meetings. Joan's fear of speaking was causing her to lose valuable opportunities for visibility in her organization. Realizing the seriousness of the situation, she was eager to begin the speech coaching process. Although Joan was a good enough speaker, she was experiencing anxiety and heart palpitations. She admitted that she was avoiding speaking situations and confided that she knew avoiding public speaking was career suicide.

Solution: I decided to take a two-pronged approach. First I reframed Joan's thinking about public speaking and reduced her perfectionism, which was underlying the fear. Once she changed her thinking, Joan practiced breathing and pausing techniques to gain control.

Result: After 8 hours of coaching, Joan developed a new confidence. At the next monthly meeting she spoke up and felt good about it. She reported that her nervousness was reduced and that she was actually the best presenter in the group! P.S., Joan now shares speaking tips with other speakers in her group! For public speaking tips visit

atozpublicspeaking.com

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!