What is executive presence? And why does it matter? You know it when you see it. But it's difficult to describe. At some point a career will be stalled because the person doesn't look, speak, or act like a leader. That's when a company will call me to work on the leader's executive presence. Executive presence is the tipping point for getting promoted. How do you get it? Watch this video to learn more.
Keep Your Eye on Pragmatics When Presenting
Public speaking is not just about the spoken word. As a presenter you must know your content and your audience. But you also need to know about pragmatics. Pragmatics is the relations between words, expressions, or symbols and their users. And nothing communicates more powerfully than the eyes. Watch this video to learn about eye contact and public speaking.
Presentation Pragmatics-Key to Effective Communication
Do you know the meaning of pragmatics? Most people believe that public speaking is about the spoken word. But what about the unspoken meaning? Public speakers and presenters who rely solely on the spoken word are at a disadvantage. Presentation excellence depends on so much more. Watch this video to learn one of the secrets of effective communication - presentation pragmatics.
Your Brain on Stage Fright
Some call it flop sweat. Others call it stage fright. Whatever you call that tightness in the pit of your stomach, sweaty palms, and racing heart, we've all experienced it. Public speaking still ranks as a top fear. Even professional speakers feel nervous when the stakes are high. Fear of public speaking has always been a mystery. Why does it happen?
How does nervousness manifest? Why does the thought of public speaking send some people into a tailspin? Imagine going about your day, and suddenly your manager says you're expected to give a speech. In an instant, nervousness descends like a wave washing over you. What's going on in the brain?
When I polled people for my book, Knockout Presentations, I asked them why they felt nervous speaking in public. The thread running through most of the responses was the fear of humiliation. Well, it turns out that we're hard wired to worry about our reputations.
Did you know that fear is a primitive reaction to protect our bodies? Some people get more nervous than others and there is a reason for that. There are three main things that affect how you experience stage fright.
Find out in this article on the science of stage fright.
Body Language is the Message
A professor once said, "Words conceal rather than reveal". If that's true, how does the listener hear the real message? The answer is the study of pragmatics. Non-verbal communication is as important to every public speaker as the words they prepare. But too often, public speaking becomes an exercise in memorizing words without much thought to their physical presentation.
If the public speaker is unprepared, it will be communicated through nervous body language. The body will betray the presenter every time. Most of the message is non-verbal. For that reason, it's imperative that public speakers study pragmatics. Watch this video to learn about body language.
Get Your Morning Mojo and Communicate with Impact
I spoke at the Morning Mojo networking group held at Citibank about Communicating with Impact. Business is not about the numbers. Business is about communication and the numbers simply reflect how well you communicate. Watch this short video segment to learn how to communicate with impact. http://youtu.be/S8HnrGcF6oY
Let Your Hands Do the Talking: The Science of Gestures
Several years ago, my friend adopted Mimi, an 18 month old girl from China. Not long after, I came to visit her and noticed that Mimi was making a gesture for more food. My friend and I are both speech pathologists, and I recognized that she had taught Mimi sign language - and it was working. She was 18 months old and did not understand or speak English, but she was able to communicate with her English-speaking mother using sign language. It was interesting to me when I read this article on The Science of Gestures. I always emphasize the use of gestures with my clients for a number of reasons. Gestures serve to:
- make the presenter look confident.
- channel nervous energy.
- emphasize certain words or points, making the speaker more dynamic.
- reduce monotone, enabling speakers to vary intonation.
But I wasn't aware of the neuroscience behind gesturing. In two separate studies with children, researchers found that using and watching gestures helped students retain more information.
Most speakers are both visual and auditory presenters. That means they use the spoken word and they project PowerPoint slides. The audience sees and hears the message but the missing link is kinesthetic learning. And that's where gestures come in.
Effective public speakers anchor their message with gestures. I once attended a presentation where the speaker told the audience, "Touch your mind and your heart," to help the them remember his point.
We all know someone who speaks with their hands. I remember one man who gesticulated wildly whenever he spoke. This irritated his wife to no end. One day in frustration, she grabbed his hands as he was speaking. He stopped the conversation, looked at her and pleaded, "Let me talk!" It seemed hand movements were a way for him to communicate.
It turns out that using gestures help us to clear our cache, or short-term memory, when we are speaking. Moving our hands in conversation and while presenting, allows us to process more information-like Mimi who learned sign language at 18 months. But gestures are not just for children. They have a lot of value for adult public speakers, as well.
Not sure what to do with your hands? Watch this youtube video and find out.
Is Your Difficult Audience in the Workplace?
When you think about difficult audiences, do you envision an audience in an auditorium with you speaking on the stage? Well, you don't have to be a formal public speaker to encounter a difficult audience.
Your audience includes your co-workers, employees, management and vendors. When you're dealing with so many different personalities it's inevitable that there will be conflict. Here's where trained public speakers have an advantage - the skills that are used to handle a difficult audience also apply when you're communicating one-on-one.
But what if you can prevent conflicts in the workplace? That's even better. Nobody has a 100% conflict-free life, but many conflicts can be averted when you understand yourself and others.
The unexamined life isn't worth living." -Socrates
The first step in managing a difficult person or situation is to understand how you're wired. What is your natural behavioral style? This is the way you communicate easily without much conscious effort. It's like being right handed. You don't think about it. When you meet a person or audience who has the same behavioral style as you, communication happens more easily.
But what happens when you encounter people who are your opposite? This is when an audience may be perceived as difficult. It would be great to have a tool that would help you recognize different behavioral styles so you know how to communicate effectively.
The DiSC Behavioral Profile can help you do that quickly and simply. The DiSC Behavioral Profile identifies your natural communication style, shows you how to recognize different styles, and gives you the tools for managing those differences.
In other words, you'll learn to speak their language and have greater influence, better communication, more understanding, and less stress.
Most often, conflicts happen because of differences in style; you're talking apples, they're talking oranges.
This can happen when you're giving a presentation to a group. For example, too often, technical people give too much detail to senior management. Or, a sales presentation lacks the level of data and evidence preferred by a scientific audience.
By knowing how others are wired, you can predict the commonalities you'll share, you'll be able to predict the conflicts that may arise, and you'll have a strategy to compromise.
Here's what one client had to say about DiSC:
Wow... Just signed on to take the DISC program with Diane and she helped me learn how to communicate with style!! Diane was simply amazing and her suggestions were 'spot on'. No one should miss this opportunity!"
-A. Weidberg
Don't know which style you are? Want to know more about DiSC? Contact us and ask for a free sample report.
Are You Speaking English or Alphabet?
A good friend sent me an email about a possible speaking engagement. I contacted the meeting planner to tell her about my background and talk about what I could provide her organization as a speaker. I received a text message saying, "Hi Diane. Thanks for reaching out. I am on PTO but will write to you when I get back."
PTO? What the heck does that mean? I was thinking... part time? But I couldn't figure out what the O stood for. So I emailed my friend to ask her the meaning of PTO. She shot back an email saying, "No clue." My friend is at least 10 years younger than I am, so I thought she would know. I've been in business for 20 years and worked in corporations prior to starting my business. So I'm not unfamiliar with some of the terminology. But this really threw me.
I asked my assistant when she came in today, and she knew the answer right away. She recalled first hearing the term in 1997 when she worked for a law firm. Why didn't I know this? Is it because I'm in my own business? My clientele are corporations.
This made me realize the importance of clear communication. I tell my clients and my audiences to never assume and to avoid jargon, acronyms and buzzwords, even if they're speaking to an internal audience or within their industry. Always define the acronym or term, and then you can use the abbreviation. Surely there will be people in the audience who don't know what it means and will be afraid to ask.
The world of technology has influenced the way we communicate. Texting and social media have overridden traditional grammar and spelling rules. While abbreviations serve technology, they can create communication breakdown. This is especially true with spoken communication because you can't go back and re-read the sentence for context. When presenting or communicating one-on-one with someone for the first time, avoid using acronyms and abbreviations.
For those of you who are like me, who may not be up to date on some of the latest alphabet soup terminology, here are some terms to avoid using in your presentation:
Acronyms
- PTO - Paid Time Off
- ITO - In The Office
- WFH/WAH - Work From/At Home
- LOA - Leave of Absence
- IIRC - If I recall correctly
- FWIW - For what it's worth
- BTW - By the way
- LMK - Let me know.
- OOO/OOTO - Out of (the) Office
- AR - Action required/requested
- AI - Action Item
What are your favorites? Share them in the comments - and don't forget to let us know what they mean!
5 Tips for Women Entrepreneurs Learned From the School of Life
I recently read an article by Dylan Kendall entitled, "5 Tips for Women Entrepreneurs I Learned From the School of Life". Dylan's tips are simple and pragmatic. They can also serve as guidelines for anyone who speaks in public.
Here are her 5 tips and how they apply to public speaking:
1. Get comfortable asking for money and ask with confidence. Public speaking involves first and foremost both inner and outer confidence. If you're a professional speaker, you need to be comfortable asking for your fee.
2. Learn how to ask for advice. You need to research and seek counsel from others who know your audience. It's also about polling and interacting with the audience.
3. Don't share everything but do share strategically and embellish wisely. It's especially critical to give the listener what they need to know - not everything you know. You can lose an audience or a prospect by giving too much detail.
4. "Help a sista out" -- network with and support other women. People don't realize that networking is a presentation and your ability to present yourself and your message clearly and compellingly is an important factor in attracting clients and advocates.
5. Understand what sacrifices you can make and when you should walk away. Part of your presentation is what you are willing to do for your audience. There are some situations where you should walk away and not accept a speaking engagement. When it's the wrong topic or the wrong audience, you need to know when to say no.
I've Got the Power: How to Feel Powerful As a Public Speaker
You may be about to go on stage to speak before a difficult audience. Maybe you're getting ready for a job interview. Or you could be about to present at a high stakes meeting. There is a way you can automatically feel powerful when speaking in public or giving a presentation. It's all about mastering body language. Yes, there is a body language of power. I'm not talking about "posturing" and psyching the other person out. Power is about putting your body into certain positions before you enter the presentation room. There's a science to body language and power. Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, explains how to go from powerless to powerful and it's all in your control. Watch her TED talk to learn how these positions can make you a powerful leader, public speaker, or job candidate.
Words Will Die. 2013 Communication Trends
Words are dying.
According to 2013 communication trends research by Davis & Company, words will die. What does that mean for speakers and their presentations? And what will replace words?
Obviously, we won't stop speaking. But visuals will rule. And I don't mean PowerPoint. Pinterest is the fastest growing social media platform.It's usage has increased 1000%.
Engagement on facebook increases 100% when posts are visual. Photos, videos, and infographics have more impact and are quickly making written text outdated.
When coaching transitioning executives on their elevator pitch, I often go to the white board to draw visuals. Instead of scripting words, I use graphic facilitation to create visual cues (graphics, symbols) to build a storyline and help them remember their core messages.
The transformation is amazing! Suddenly, their presentation flows as they stop struggling to remember the written words. Their presentations become conversational as the visuals serve as concept cues. The job applicant or presenter sounds natural instead of scripted. Graphic facilitation is also effective in leading groups toward a common goal and is becoming more popular for strategy sessions. The facilitator organizes information spatially and visually.
Presenters who use graphic facilitation will increase audience engagement, big-picture thinking, and group memory.
Change the way you communicate or get left behind. Improve your presentation, remember more, and stop reading your notes. Leave a message in the comment box to learn how to use graphic communication to be a better presenter and to engage your audience.
Delete These 3 Annoying Words in 2013
Resolve to delete three deadly words from your vocabulary this year. We make resolutions on January 1st and then we go back to our usual habits in less than a month. But you can't afford to let your communication and presentation skills slide. Why? It's a new game. It's tougher, more competitive, and harder than ever to be heard above the noise.
Your speech can undermine your success in an interview, a sales presentation, or a promotion opportunity. And it can sabotage your leadership. Jargon, non-words, and slang will not serve you.
According to a Marist poll, the most annoying word in 2012 was "whatever", followed by "like', and "you know" was a close third. The word "whatever" topped the list for a third year. Other annoying words included "twitterverse" and "gotcha".
People under the age of 45 in the Northeast were most annoyed by the word "like" while "you know" was offensive to people over 45 years old. Go figure.
Regardless of demographics, using these words will, like, undermine your executive presence, you know? So choose your words carefully during your next communication or presentation. When tempted to use these three words in presentations, hit the delete button and pause. It's up to you. Whatever.
OMG! Where Have All the Good Networkers Gone?
There's a line from a Peter Paul and Mary song, Where Have All the Flowers Gone? that goes "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?" Well, I want to know, "Where have all the good networkers gone?" In some instances I've started using Skype video as a first point of contact. The conversation starts out cordial. I usually ask the person to tell me about themselves and their business. It's rare that I'm asked that question first. We have a brief friendly interchange and may even discover something in common.
But then it happens. The SALES PITCH! I watched my own eyes glaze over on the Skype video as the person yammered on about the offer. I learned every component, compartment, and crevice of that product. There didn't seem to be much awareness of my state of ennui. No conversation-just a fast moving monologue like a getaway train.
Can you spell dialogue? Communication is a two way street.
Losing hope that it would finally come to an end, I used my media training skills and made a bridge statement to my business. More often than not, I'll have to use a "pattern interrupt" to bring them back into their bodies. It's as if they get lost in the verbal vomiting and forget that there's another person in the room. During one interchange I asked, "Just out of curiosity, what do you think I do?"
Bad networking pervades every venue. How many networking lunches have you attended where people drone on? The worst example was a guest who stood up and read a three page testimonial. Get me the gong! Here's the truth: less is more. People remember less the longer you speak.
Networking is not about speech-making. It's about building relationships. How can you do that if you only talk about yourself? Knowing I'm not alone in this experience, I asked my friend how she handles networking gone amuck. She confided that she now sets limits in her networking meetings. She tells people that she will meet on the condition that they don't talk about their products and services. She only wants to get to know them.
Networking, like public speaking, is a skill. And skills can be learned. Here are some tips to enhance your networking conversations and presentations:
Prepare. Go to the website and learn about the other person. Learn about their customers and alliances. They could be a source of referrals.
Be Curious. Get to know the other person as an individual and not as a business owner. There is hidden treasure you can mine when you learn about a person's life. Uncovering their interest in golf, could lead to an invitation to play and meet others at a country club.
Give to Give. Come from a place of helping without thinking of yourself. Ask how you can help them. Remember the rule of reciprocity. When you give to someone they will feel obligated to give back.
Less is More. To make your message sticky, explain what you do in a simple sound bite. I recently challenged my readers to give their elevator speech in 7 words or less. I invite you to take the challenge. Remember FDR's quote: "Be sincere, be brief, be seated."
Put in the Time. Nobody is going to refer a person they just met. Building trust takes time. Be willing to invest in relationship building. Stay in touch with phone calls, emails, and cards.
Don't Sell. Frequently, the person you meet is not going to be a direct buyer but their contacts could be a customer for you. The time to sell is when someone is interested in buying.
So where have all the good networkers gone? You'll know them when you see them. I met a couple of good networkers last week. It was a real conversation- full of questions, comments, suggestions, energy, smiles, and real interest.
You won't hit it off with everybody but when you practice these six tips you'll maximize every conversation and build a strong network.
Command More Clout: 5 Tips for Effective Communication
June is effective communication month. To increase your influence and executive presence, your message must grab and keep attention. I make sure that all my coaching clients know the secrets of speaking with impact. Here are 5 quick tips to be a knockout communicator.
Even Michelle Obama Mispronounces This Word
In 2004 I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal about sloppy speech habits in the workplace. It hit a nerve and the reporter, Joann Lublin, wrote a follow up piece. It seems that employers favor good diction in the workplace. In honor of May being Better Speech and Hearing month, I'm posting some one minute videos to address the issue of poor diction. Even well spoken, high profile communicators express the occasional verbal faux pas or mispronunciation. Some of these diction errors are regionalisms;even so, they can undermine the speaker's credibility, executive presence, and leadership.
Stop the Verbal Vomiting
A few weeks ago I was exhibiting at a trade show and experienced a communication pattern which I now realize is not so uncommon. People would walk by the booth and I’d ask a qualifying question. If they answered affirmatively, I’d continue the conversation. One of the quickest ways to learn that someone is not a buyer is to listen to their conversational pattern. They don’t stop talking. These people don’t pick up on subtle cues such as noticing I’m moving away or using an exit line. They get caught up in their own loquaciousness. I call it verbal vomiting. According to wikipedia, vomiting is “the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s stomach through the mouth."
Verbal vomiting is the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s mind through the mouth and projecting it at whoever has engaged them in discourse. One person approached me at the booth and confided that he had creative ideas but couldn’t express them as message points. He would talk in circles. I suggested he talk it out with a writer who could interview him and capture his ideas. He loved my suggestion and asked me if I could help. “No, that’s not what I do,” I explained. “It’s not about the money,” he countered. I told him to look for a writer and that I didn’t know anybody. He continued talking and I realized that much of the time people are just looking for free therapy. Like Joe the bartender, they want someone with whom they can share their story without any real commitment to solving the problem. I wished him luck and walked to the other side of the booth.
Sadly, he wasn’t the only case. Another attendee walked by the booth. It was clear in the first five seconds that he was not a prospect. Did he care? Of course, not. He kept talking. There was no awareness that he was wasting my time or that I was bored to tears. With some people you have to be rude before they get the message.
Verbal vomiting is not limited to trade shows. A couple of years ago, I had hired a woman to do some SEO marketing. When the contract was coming to an end, Kathy (not her real name) phoned me to renew the agreement. She talked non-stop and never came up for air. There was not even a nano second of a pause where I could interject. I called her name-”Kathy.” No answer. I tried again a little louder, “Kathy!” I screamed into the phone, “Kathy!!!” She never stopped and I don’t think she heard me. Was her phone on mute? Did she think she would sell me if she kept talking? I hung up the phone. I believe Kathy is out of business today.
This communication pattern can also cost you a job offer. Nervous job candidates rattle on without taking a breath. Silence is frightening so they fill in the gaps with idle chatter. Here’s where many candidates derail. By talking too much they reveal information and can talk themselves into a corner. Incessant chatter conveys nervousness and a lack of preparation. A skilled interviewer will wonder what the applicant may be hiding.
If you still think you haven’t experienced verbal vomiting, then think back to your last networking meeting. We’ve all heard the person who goes on and on until the moderator has to intervene. What people don’t realize is that when it comes to communication, less is more. The listener just can’t absorb all that information. And when you drone on about yourself, you bore the audience and lose the opportunity for a relationship. Communication is not about giving a speech. It’s an exchange of ideas, a dialogue. It’s not about you. It’s about them-the audience. The best defense against this kind of communicator is to have a list of exit lines. “It’s been nice talking to you.” “I don’t want to monopolize your time.” “I’m going to get a refill.”
Reverse peristalsis is nature’s way of ridding the body of poisons. In communication, verbal vomiting is poisonous to your audience. The antacid is to observe body language, take turns, ask questions and listen. The key to effective communication is to be listener-centered.
Va Bene: What the Italians Taught Me About Public Speaking
It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. I just got back from vacation in Northern Italy. In the big cities, a lot of people speak English but in the smaller towns, it helps to speak a few words of Italian.
We were in the town of Quinto, a suburb of Vicenza. While we were paying for our food, the cashier asked my husband if he spoke Italian. He shook his head and said, “No parla Italiano.
We've Got to Stop Meeting Like This
Most people would agree that meetings are a waste of time. One frustrated employee showed me her calendar. Seventy per cent of her time was scheduled for meetings. How can any person or organization be productive if they are sitting in meetings all day? But people need to communicate about their projects, goals, customers, etc. So the question is, when does it make sense to have a meeting?
First, know why and when to call a meeting-What outcomes are you trying to achieve?
When to Have a Meeting
- To gain buy-in and commitment.
- To deliver information to several people quickly.
- To make a time sensitive decision.
- When several people need the same information at the same time.
- You've received several calls or emails about the same situation.
When NOT to Have a Meeting
- Tradition. Your team has always met on this day.
- There is no particular issue or topic.
- You already know what to do and you're the decision-maker.
- The appropriate people are not available to attend.
Use these guidelines reduce the number of meetings and increase your productivity.
Do You Suffer From Verbal Diarrhea?
Situation: Donald was a director-level manager who was getting complaints from his boss that his voice-mails were long-winded and that his rather business-like demeanor was failing to gain buy-in from his staff. One of Donald's biggest problems was that he didn't listen. His conversations were like running monologues and it was difficult for others to break in. His assignments lacked the detailed information required to get the job done. Solution: Through the Exec-U-Lead coaching program, I worked with Donald on developing a concise message. The target was getting Donald to deliver a 30 second voice-mail message, which he nailed. In the next phase, Donald practiced listening and relationship skills by sharing something personal and asking people about themselves. Result: Donald's boss was pleased. He reported that Donald's voice mails were now concise and that his personality was coming through to his staff at meetings. He was listening more and explaining the purpose of team tasks. Donald felt good about being more respected.
Do you know people who talk incessantly? Do they leave long lingering voice mails? They can learn to cut to the chase and listen more effectively.