Vocal tone is 38% of the message. Too often people listen to the words in favor of the tone. When this happens miscommunication almost always results. The meta message is in the vocal tone. The voice is the barometer of the emotions. If you listened to a foreign language you would be able to determine the mood of the speaker without understanding a word. Effective listening skills require that you detect nuances of vocal tone. Listen to this video and learn how to tune into tone.
One Minute Listening Tip: Controlling Emotions
What does listening have to do with controlling emotions? By the time we get into an emotional state, we've stopped listening. When emotions are high, either walk away or ramp up your listening. The ideal situation is to head off emotional situations before they blow up. That requires good listening skills. How do you prepare yourself to listen in volatile situations? Watch this video and find out.
.
One Minute Listening Tip: Listening CPR
Communication is about a sender and a receiver. Sometimes the message we send gets filtered by the receiver and conflict results. This can happen to the best of speakers. When people start attacking, the natural reaction is to defend or retaliate. A better approach is to use listening CPR. Listening is a powerful communication elixir. You don't need to be an eloquent speaker to listen effectively. But there are some tools you can practice. This video will show you how to use listening CPR to manage any conflict.
One Minute Listening Tip: Interrupting
One of the most annoying listening behaviors is interrupting. People interrupt because they listen to respond. They're simply rehearsing their answers and waiting until they have their say. Frequently, they interrupt because they're really more concerned with being understood than being understanding. This is not listening. True listening is suspending the ego and focusing on the other person. As St. Francis of Assisi said, "Grant that I may not seek to be understood, but to understand."
You can change your listening behavior. Watch this video to learn how to stop interrupting and use effective listening skills.
Speak Your Way to More Business
What if there were a way to market up close and personal and it was free? The answer is right under your nose - It's your mouth.
Public speaking is a powerful and cost effective way to market your business. Small businesses can’t compete with glitzy advertising campaigns but public speaking as a marketing strategy levels the playing field.
When you engage in “speakmarketing
How To Handle Difficult Audiences
When dealing with difficult audiences, your best strategy is a sense of humor and an understanding of what's driving the behavior. Watch this video to learn my 3D strategy so the next time you encounter a difficult audience, you can keep your cool and take back control.
How to Be a Presentation God
Scott Schwertly's new book How to Be a Presentation God: Build, Design, and Deliver Presentations that Dominate! is a quick read written in a delightful entertaining style. The author introduces credibility killing characters such as Bulletron, Cookie Cutter, and Mediogre. The book is divided into sections including The New Era of Presentations, Content, Design, Delivery, and Engage. Schwertly makes a case that the bar has been raised on presentations and for the importance of shaping and molding perception. He says that controlling your presentation is a vital aspect of controlling your message. He peppers the book with interesting principles such as "The Lesson to be Learned from Lincoln isn't Be Tall; it is Accentuate your Strengths," or " Strategy is a Cognitive Effort; Innovation is a Movement of the Heart." He also compares some of the great speeches -Steve Jobs, Winston Churchill, FDR, and encourages the reader to watch the videos. And while he's not anti- PowerPoint he reminds the reader that "We're Giving Presentations Here, Not PowerPoints or Keynotes." The chapter on Design references online tools such as sliderocket and Prezi. He challenges the reader with JFK's remark, "The only reason to give a speech is to change the world." http://www.amazon.com/How-Presentation-God-Presentations-Dominate/dp/0470915846/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299518779&sr=8-1
Listening: The Foundation of Communication
Good speaking means good listening.
Listening is the #1 communication skill for leadership, selling, customer service, and even romance! The problem is, most of us don’t listen very well. We’re not trained to listen and we don’t even realize that listening is a skill. People have lost jobs, customers, employees, and relationships because of an inability to listen. How do you become a better listener?
Listening Means Peace Sheng jen is the Chinese word for wise person. It literally means “one who listens.
What's Your Listening Style?
Most people are poor listeners. Even though you may pay attention and not interrupt, if you are using the wrong listening style your message may not get through. Or, you could create conflict because of an inflexible mode of listening. Do you know that there are five different listening styles? Being an empathic listener may not always be effective if it's the wrong situation. In this brief video, you'll learn about the five listening styles. Remember, there is no such thing as a bad listener. There are only people with inflexible listening habits.
Difficult Audiences: The Resister
Every public speaker dreads the resistant participant. This negative person can derail your presentation fairly quickly. When handling any difficult audience member, the key is to use the right strategy. In this brief video on handling difficult audiences, you'll learn how to keep control and minimize resistance so that you can give a knockout presentation.
Difficult Audiences: The Poor Loser
What do you do when you encounter a poor loser? If you're giving a keynote speech to a large audience this won't be an issue. But if you facilitate groups, or give seminars you will be interacting with the audience. Although a poor loser may rarely surface, he or she can disrupt the group if you don't know how to handle this difficult audience personality. Watch this brief video to lean how to handle difficult audience members.
Difficult Audiences: The Complainer
One of the most annoying difficult audience members is the complainer, a.k.a., the whiner. Nothing you do pleases them. They complain about everything. Yet, many public speakers make this one mistake when trying to deal with them. Find out what it is by watching the brief video on handling difficult audiences.
Difficult Audiences: The Sidetalker
Public speakers, facilitators, and trainers are often challenged by disruptive audience members. One of the most irritating disruptions is side-talking.
You have an important message you prepared and while you're delivering your presentation, you're competing with the chattering in the room. It may be a couple of people having a side conversation or there may be a buzz in the audience because the group discussion went off track. What do you do? How do you handle a difficult audience when the issue is side-talking? When should you ignore it and how should you intervene? Watch this brief video to find out.
Difficult Audiences: The Expert
What do you do when you encounter an expert or know-it-all in your seminar? Public speakers must be able to handle difficult audiences, yet each personality is different. It's important to know what is driving the disruptive behavior in order to keep control of the audience. In this brief video you'll learn how to manage the expert.
Difficult Audiences: The Dominator
Public speakers, facilitators, and trainers must be able to manage difficult audience behavior. One of the more challenging personalities is the dominator. This person can be disruptive because of a need to control. The risk is that the speaker or facilitator may get into a power struggle. And this is a losing strategy. Watch this brief video to learn how to handle the dominator.
Difficult Audiences: The Rambler
Public speakers and trainers need to be able to manage difficult audiences. One difficult audience member is the rambler or storyteller. You'll recognize this personality because they love to talk. During the question and answer period this is the person who can't get to the point. During a discussion they have trouble staying on message and while they may be entertaining, they can dominate a conversation. This can cause the presentation to go off track and for the speaker to lose control. Watch this brief video to learn how to handle the rambler.
What Christina Aguilera's Flub Can Teach Us About Public Speaking
During the Superbowl Christina Aguilera sang the National Anthem. She started strong with her powerful voice and her signature vibrato vocalizations and eleven second notes. As she continued singing she substituted the wrong words for a line of the lyrics. Instead of reciting "O'er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming" she substituted "What so proudly we watched at the twilight's last reaming." While anyone can make a mistake, an audience expects a professional performer to know the words. It's also significant because this is a national song that we hear at every game and civic event. Yes, a professional singer and speaker should be prepared. But that's not the main lesson. The question is, why didn't we catch the mistake? This is a performer with a booming, powerful voice. I certainly wasn't aware of it until the media pointed it out. My husband didn't catch the mistake, either.
I believe the reason we missed it was because we were distracted. I commented during the performance on how her vocal gymnastics were overkill. Her focus was on her melodic variations and range. The song became about the mechanics and not the feeling. My attention followed the seesaw of her tones rather than on the well written words. The song seemed to be a showcase of her versatility rather than a connection with the audience. Advertisers vie for the coveted Superbowl commercial spots. Christina had a national spotlight and she blew it.
Public speakers can learn a lesson from Christina's performance. Authenticity trumps technique and connection is more important than content. When speakers come from ego, they sacrifice the relationship with the audience. Showing off one's platform skills, instead of connecting with the audience, can expose the speaker to all kinds of risk.
One professional speaker had an opportunity to present at a convention. She was generally confident and knew she could WOW them on stage. And that became her focal point. She walked on stage as if she owned it. She confidently belted out her first story as she had done many times. And then she went blank. Totally blank. The audience tried to encourage her with applause. It was painful to watch because she was a pro. She finally regained her composure but the speech was not a success. Later, she explained that she had tried to impress the audience with her smooth performance skills. She recognized once she was back "inside her body" that she had learned an important lesson.
You're never too skilled to practice. And it's not about you. It's about them-the AUDIENCE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzlqbVNTWNQ
Words Have Power
Monday, January 24th was National Compliment Day. I had to travel two hours to coach a CEO who was out- of - state and I didn't have much computer time. So before I left, I sent a tweet telling my followers to compliment five people. I was surprised when one person immediately sent me a compliment. It made me feel good. I emailed a few people my compliments and took off for my trip. I was not prepared for what was about to happen next. People started responding to my words.
One friend wrote:
"YOU have no idea what a wonderful friend you are and always will be to me, or how much I needed this today. I had a horrible day at work and your compliment lifted my spirits to the sun and back. Thank you."
Another person wrote: "Thank you so much, Diane. You have no idea how much I needed that."
When I told my husband I sent him a compliment he started walking upstairs. I asked him where he was going. He said, "I'm going to the computer to read my compliment."
It truly hit home what power there is in words and how starved people are for a word of appreciation. They weren't sent a testimonial letter-just one simple compliment. Their reaction surprised me. It made me want to continue wrapping people in words of praise. Words not only have the power to change people's emotions and self-esteem, but they empower the speaker who uses them. Imagine how one sentence can change the way someone experiences their day.
Public speakers have an incredible power. It's the power of the spoken word. A public speaker has a platform and what a privilege it is! The right word, perfectly timed, and said in the right voice can LITERALLY lift people's spirits. Martin Luther King had this gift. Joel Osteen has this gift, too. But you don't have to be a gifted speaker to impact lives in a positive way. You don't even have to be in front of a group. All you have to do is speak your word. And then the magic happens.
When the Speaker Turns a Toast into a Roast
Sunday night we watched the Golden Globe awards spiral downward into a verbal slapfest. Ricky Gervais, the emcee for the evening, pushed the envelope and went beyond edgy to offensive. A comedian is supposed to be funny, witty, and a little risque. However, as a public speaker, Gervais seemed to be oblivious to the fact that he was speaking in public. Rather than being funny, his comments and barbs were insulting and at times downright mean. Although others may disagree, an awards ceremony should honor the winners while using wit and humor to poke fun at the recipients and film industry. Think Billy Crystal. What makes the commentary funny is that there is a kernel of truth in the joke which makes the audience laugh. When introducing actor Robert Downey Jr, Gervais said, "But many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail." Ouch. As a listener, it didn't feel good and it didn't make me laugh. It felt like an attack. The real humor was missing because the comments lacked a lightness.
Downey shot back, "Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I'd say the vibe of the show has been pretty good so far, wouldn't you?" As a coach, I must say that this was a good comeback. It was quick, clever, and he acknowledged the elephant in the room. I've attended roasts at the Friar's Club in New York City and they can be brutal. But one thing is different. Most of the jokes are funny and there's a lot of laughter. When hosting an awards ceremony or even a roast, it's not about the emcee. It's about the honorees.
Gervais was not alone in his bad behavior. After accepting the Cecil B. DeMille award, Robert De Niro hurled a zinger at the foreign press. " I'm sorry more members of the Hollywood Foreign Press aren't with us tonight, but most of them got deported right before the show. Along with most of the waiters. And Javier Bardem." De Niro was not gracious. This kind of poor judgment is exactly the kind of communication that causes people to lose their jobs. As a public speaker, your presentation is your brand. And your words will live on long after you exit the stage.
Speaking Resolutions: Eleven for 2011
Make this your best year. Start by polishing your presentation and communication skills. Resolve to follow these eleven speaking principles to speak with greater impact.
- Make a promise to improve your communication skills.
A promise is stronger than a goal. When you promise, it's the strongest commitment you can make to yourself.
- Follow the 6-by-6 Rule when using PowerPoint.
Aim for reader-friendly slides: 6 words or less per line and 6 lines or less per slide.
- Give a speech without PowerPoint.
We are PowerPointed out! Don't use slides as a crutch. Try connecting with the audience. The key word in visual aid is AID. You are the message.
- Get comfortable with silence.
Most people fear silence and this causes them to speak too fast and to use lots of 'um's and 'ah's. Practice dramatic pauses.
- Listen to the audience listening. There's always a silent communication between the speaker and the audience. Tune in, feel, and hear what the audience is telling you.
- Speak from your head and your heart.
Speakers either give too much data and stay on the intellectual plane or they just tell entertaining stories without enough substance. Today's audiences want hard data in an entertaining style.
- Tell more stories. Stories create word pictures, which are memorable and touch the heart. Even a business presentation is more effective when using stories, analogies, and metaphors.
- Don't be afraid to be real. You don't have to be a perfect presenter. Most audiences don't relate to someone who's slick and overly polished. Don't imitate someone else. Be your authentic self - the audience can see through phoniness.
- Kick your energy up a notch. Enthusiasm sells and with bigger groups you need greater energy to make an impact. You need to push your energy past your comfort level, especially on video and television, which tend to reduce energy.
- Practice the Rule of Three. Most people think in threes. When crafting a presentation, aim for three agenda items, three main points, three benefits.
- Get over yourself - it's not about you, it's about the audience. Fear of public speaking is still at the top of our list of phobias. Take the focus off of YOU - when you're nervous, you're self-centered. Focus on the audience.
Good communicators are more successful in all areas of life: relationships, career, and well-being. And speaking is the new competitive weapon.